I’m sorry I’ve not posted in a while. So you know, I have been working on an essay about how it is to be single, but that’s going to have to wait a bit. I felt I was concentrating too much on me, and nobody wants to read that; I need to make it a bit more general. So, in lieu of writing about my mundane lifestyle, I decided to take a break from thinking too much and just rant about something that chaps my ass as few things do.
Unless you’ve translated this page, you’re reading it in English. It’s the only language I know fluently. I’m assuming, though, that the subject of today’s diatribe is not limited solely to English, but afflicts each and every tongue spoken on this planet. It is my sincere hope that I’m not the only person who grits their teeth when the one thing that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom, the most basic tool humans use (and if I may be so bold as to say it), the ONLY thing that allows us to thrive is…utterly ignored. What could it be? Why, it’s communication, of course. I’ve found that while we all do a lot of talking, we are rarely communicating. Let me give some examples.
At lunch today, I got some pizza from a restaurant I’d never patronized before. I’ve only been in this area for a month, so I assumed some of my co-workers would have already tried it, so as a way to make small talk during lunch, I asked one of them if they had ever sampled this particular pizzeria’s fare. My exact words were “Have you ever tried the pizza from (this place)? The immediate response was, “They have excellent pizza.” Do you see the problem here? I don’t mean to sound snotty, but I didn’t ask what they thought of the pizza, I asked if they had ever tried it. The listener in this case assumed that I wanted to know what they thought of the food, which would probably have been my next question. My beef here is the assumption. What if I wasn’t going to ask what their opinion of the food was? And more importantly, why did my first question get ignored? This may seem nit-picky, but I told this story so you would understand when I tell the next one.
Not too long ago, some friends and I were discussing (OK, gossiping) some of our neighbors. During the course of the discussion, I mentioned of one of an acquaintance, “For an ex-cop Jesus freak, he’s a nice guy,” and you would have thought from the reaction of some of those I was speaking with that I had called his mother a whore and kicked his dog. The general consensus was, “Just because he’s a religious ex cop doesn’t make him an idiot!” If you’ll re-read what I said, you’ll see that I said he was a nice guy. I didn’t call him an idiot; in fact I complimented him on NOT being an idiot. Oh, but I had a hard time convincing some others that I was being nice. Evidently, as soon as they heard the words “Jesus freak” and “ex cop”, they reacted to what they thought I meant and not to what I said. And that, my friends, is a very foolish way to get through life. I have found that I can save myself a lot of embarrassment by listening to what is said and not what I think the speaker means. I once heard a saying that has stuck with me since the day I heard it: “You have two ears and one mouth. That means you should listen twice as much as you talk.” Words to live by.
Although conversations with friends can provide endless examples of non-communication, advertisers are, aside from politicians, the absolute worst offenders when it comes to butchering the language and making it seem acceptable to do so. Here in Florida, there has been a radio commercial running lately for female knee replacement. Apparently, male and female knees have subtle differences, which makes perfect sense. In the commercial, a male voice is speaking of knee replacement surgery, and is repeatedly interrupted by a female voice who shrilly blabs what the male voice was going to say anyway, as if hearing about female knee surgery from a female is more convincing. I say, fine and dandy and I agree that women might feel more comfortable hearing it from someone of their own gender. My problem is that by interrupting the male voice, it is implied that those stupid men couldn’t possibly understand a woman’s physiology, and their voices should be drowned out as soon as they start speaking. Well, not only is it just plain rude to interrupt when someone else is talking, but from my (possibly myopic) viewpoint, those who interrupt should be given no credence whatsoever. I wonder what board of executives agreed that rudeness, especially when it comes to medical procedures, is a good way to attract customers.
How I would love to continue to provide examples of our abysmal failure to communicate, but you get the picture. I often wonder how we have managed to get as far as we have given the deplorable state of our spoken interaction. Do me, and more importantly, yourself a favor the next time you are talking to someone. LISTEN to what they’re saying and if asked a question, ANSWER IT. You might think you know what the person wants, but chances are they probably just want to know what they’ve asked. It’s really not very hard.
29 October 2007
17 October 2007
Advice 101
I read with interest an essay posted by a friend the other day that endeavored to offer advice to the younger generation. Her blog, “This Happy Breed”, is listed in my links to the right, and it’s worth a read. I am a bit of a curmudgeon. I’m not so sure that young people want to hear what we geezers have to say (especially when it comes to sex). I know I spent a good deal of time in my youth ignoring what I later found to be sage advice (and I thanked my lucky stars that no adults ever offered any type of sex advice. I was happy to blunder through that on my own). Why, then, do I feel the need to emulate my colleague and offer unsolicited advice to ears that are most likely deaf? I don’t know. The goal, I suppose, would be to save them from making the same mistakes I have made, but no lesson really hits home like the ones experienced. We can get ideas from reading of others’ misfortunes, but an idea is just that, whereas a rude and often painful awakening is a personal experience that leaves a mark not soon forgotten. And so, with a less than enthusiastic hope that my words will be read by those who need to hear them the most, much less taken to heart, I still want to humbly offer them.
ON RELATIONSHIPS: You have quirks and so does everyone else. The trick is to find someone whose quirks you can put up with while they simultaneously put up with yours. Don’t judge your mate by how he or she looks, but rather by how they react to you, and you to them. Mistrust, harsh words and ill will are the road signs to failure, no matter how beautiful the ride.
ON LEARNING: Strive to learn as much as you can about as many things as you can. Learn a little about a lot of things and you will be an interesting person. Keep in mind that the more you learn, the more you will realize how much you don’t know.
ON FOOD: Taste everything at least once. And by all means, taste with your mouth, not your eyes. If you don’t like it, then don’t eat it again. Never criticize another’s cooking, at least within earshot of the cook.
ON FEAR: Don’t be afraid of things you don’t understand. If you fear something, find out what makes it tick. Chances are you’ll find that it’s not that scary.
ON RELIGION: NEVER let someone else tell you that they know what God or any other deity thinks. This is very important. Beware the people who claim to know what gods want.
ON PEER PRESSURE: Much like the previous subject, don’t let others tell you what you can and can’t do. Keep your eyes open. If your friends are doing something that you KNOW is wrong and they want you to join, or it’s something that you don’t want to do, don’t do it. It really is that simple.
ON PETS: Don’t have one unless you are prepared to: Feed it. Clean up after it on a daily basis. Engage it so it has a meaningful life. Know that it’s going to die and leave a hole in you that will never fully close.
ON LIVING: Every day that you draw a breath is a good day. It beats the alternative.
ON JUDGING PEOPLE: This can be a toughie, and you should know that you’re going to make a mistake and trust someone you shouldn’t. However, keep in mind that people who are nice sometimes and sometimes not are not nice people. Never trust someone who’s nice to you but rude to others.
ON BEING A GOOD PERSON: This should be a no-brainer. The golden rule (or karma, if you like) applies. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to others.
There are, of course, many lessons to be learned in life, and my list is by no means comprehensive. However, if you are of a mind to take advice, check out this page (start with “life” as a topic) to hear what others say are keys to happiness, and what to watch out for. Many of them are clichés, but if they had no value, they wouldn’t be clichés, would they?
NOTE: Thanks, Angie for inspiring me to write this, although I still don’t think it will do any good. If I may quote Willa Cather: “The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young.” I just love that one!
ON RELATIONSHIPS: You have quirks and so does everyone else. The trick is to find someone whose quirks you can put up with while they simultaneously put up with yours. Don’t judge your mate by how he or she looks, but rather by how they react to you, and you to them. Mistrust, harsh words and ill will are the road signs to failure, no matter how beautiful the ride.
ON LEARNING: Strive to learn as much as you can about as many things as you can. Learn a little about a lot of things and you will be an interesting person. Keep in mind that the more you learn, the more you will realize how much you don’t know.
ON FOOD: Taste everything at least once. And by all means, taste with your mouth, not your eyes. If you don’t like it, then don’t eat it again. Never criticize another’s cooking, at least within earshot of the cook.
ON FEAR: Don’t be afraid of things you don’t understand. If you fear something, find out what makes it tick. Chances are you’ll find that it’s not that scary.
ON RELIGION: NEVER let someone else tell you that they know what God or any other deity thinks. This is very important. Beware the people who claim to know what gods want.
ON PEER PRESSURE: Much like the previous subject, don’t let others tell you what you can and can’t do. Keep your eyes open. If your friends are doing something that you KNOW is wrong and they want you to join, or it’s something that you don’t want to do, don’t do it. It really is that simple.
ON PETS: Don’t have one unless you are prepared to: Feed it. Clean up after it on a daily basis. Engage it so it has a meaningful life. Know that it’s going to die and leave a hole in you that will never fully close.
ON LIVING: Every day that you draw a breath is a good day. It beats the alternative.
ON JUDGING PEOPLE: This can be a toughie, and you should know that you’re going to make a mistake and trust someone you shouldn’t. However, keep in mind that people who are nice sometimes and sometimes not are not nice people. Never trust someone who’s nice to you but rude to others.
ON BEING A GOOD PERSON: This should be a no-brainer. The golden rule (or karma, if you like) applies. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to others.
There are, of course, many lessons to be learned in life, and my list is by no means comprehensive. However, if you are of a mind to take advice, check out this page (start with “life” as a topic) to hear what others say are keys to happiness, and what to watch out for. Many of them are clichés, but if they had no value, they wouldn’t be clichés, would they?
NOTE: Thanks, Angie for inspiring me to write this, although I still don’t think it will do any good. If I may quote Willa Cather: “The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young.” I just love that one!
08 October 2007
War Stories
Regular readers know I’m not a big fan of television. So much of the programming on American television is banal, mind numbing tripe, and I often wonder how it is that we can be a world superpower and still find ourselves satisfied to be spoon fed so-called “reality” shows and think it’s good entertainment. Now, before you haul off and call me an uppity snob, I want to be the first to say that there is a time and a place for mindless distractions. Those of us in the working class need and deserve a little time spent watching contrived sitcoms or inane game shows, if only to allow us a brief escape from the ennui of daily routines. Sometimes it’s good to forget about how difficult life can be, if only for a little while, and I certainly wouldn’t begrudge anyone that small luxury. Fortunately, all of television isn’t a glaring, blaring miasma of idiocy; every so often I’ll see something on the box that renews my faith in the intelligence of Americans, and sometimes, I’ll see something that really moves me. This week has been one of those times when I am actually glad I have a television set.
I have sung the praises of PBS in the past, and I’m happy to say that it is one of the few channels I can receive. I have been watching the new Ken Burns documentary called simply, “The War” this week, and if you haven’t been watching it, you’re really missing something. With each episode, I am struck with many different emotions, and I won’t bore you with them right now. Suffice to say that for the first time in my life, I have been literally moved to tears by television.
I don’t know if it’s the current war we’re engaged in or if it’s because I’ve been living alone for so long, or if my emotional stirrings are due to the frank yet powerfully poignant style of the presentation of the documentary, but I do know that I found it very difficult to watch the show without feeling a connection to the stories and lives of people who lived so long ago. Since the dawn of the written word, and later, with motion pictures, war stories have been told and retold to the point where most people simply don’t realize what a horrific event a war is. Epic poems and Hollywood tell the tales mostly from the winner’s point of view, and it is a rare occasion that we hear the human side of the story. As I watched the documentary, I found myself thinking about wars in general, and I decided that it doesn’t matter if you were a member of the axis or the allies, the Normans or the Saxons, the Viet Cong or the Americans. Lost in the stories of political victories and defeats are the human stories. It doesn’t matter if the combatants were tunnel rats in Vietnam or infantry at the Battle of Hastings: The fact remains that no matter which side you were on, there were women and children waiting helplessly for the inevitable bad news.
“The War” tells a story of World War 2 that focuses on how the cataclysmic struggle of 1938-1945 affected four small American towns. Hometown boys from Main Street went off to the far corners of the world to fight the enemy; many of them never returned, and many that did were maimed and broken, both physically and mentally. In many ways, World War 2 is looked upon with a sort of nostalgic wistfulness, but the naiveté of the soldiers is a timeless factor in the endless endeavor we call war. Spurred by patriotism, our boys (and girls) fight to preserve the way of life we think is right, and there can be no doubt that there are those who would take that way from us and impose their will upon the weak and helpless (or unarmed). “The War” illustrates that point perfectly.
I thought long and hard as I wrote this, and have re-edited it several times. I found myself going off on tangents that have been beaten to death by authors much more experienced than myself. The simple fact is that until there are no longer men who would subjugate peace loving people, war is, in every sense, a necessary evil. Many of the testimonials given in Burns’ documentary expressed frustration and a lack of understanding as to why they were on the other side of the world, fighting and dying for what they perceived as a politician’s war. When the Nazi concentration camps were liberated, however, those in Europe saw first hand the true reason for their presence. Much is made of the Jewish experience, and rightly so, but keep in mind that the Nazis killed almost double the six million Jews; homosexuals, handicapped, gypsies, Russians and other prisoners, all guilty of an accident of birth fell victim to Hitler’s voracious killing machine. In the Pacific theater, the Japanese war machine, although not as blatantly murderous as the Nazis, was equally adept at dividing and conquering, and had both sides been able to achieve their goals, one can only surmise that the end result would have been a war between the two factions for control of the world. They were allies, but only as long as it benefited them. They would surely have turned on each other; they knew no other way, and for a reason that baffles me, they could not see that.
As I said, the show moved me, even though the events were so long ago that within another decade or so, there will not be one veteran of that conflict left alive. Modern events, though, assure us that there will always be more inductees into the veteran’s organizations, and it makes me literally weep for our kind. We do great things, but we also do horrible things to each other. Our propensity for good needs to overcome our desire for power, and until it does, we will need a crop of young men to feed our absurd bloodlust. The key to stopping wars between men is really very simple: Every people of the earth must not allow themselves to be led by the ignorant, nor be duped into believing that wrong is right. The “golden rule” must apply to everyone, or it means nothing. The veterans of every war know that, and we should be thankful to them for being forced to learn the lesson that so many of us know by heart but do not fully understand. We need to hear their stories so that the day will come when all we have left of war IS old stories.
I have sung the praises of PBS in the past, and I’m happy to say that it is one of the few channels I can receive. I have been watching the new Ken Burns documentary called simply, “The War” this week, and if you haven’t been watching it, you’re really missing something. With each episode, I am struck with many different emotions, and I won’t bore you with them right now. Suffice to say that for the first time in my life, I have been literally moved to tears by television.
I don’t know if it’s the current war we’re engaged in or if it’s because I’ve been living alone for so long, or if my emotional stirrings are due to the frank yet powerfully poignant style of the presentation of the documentary, but I do know that I found it very difficult to watch the show without feeling a connection to the stories and lives of people who lived so long ago. Since the dawn of the written word, and later, with motion pictures, war stories have been told and retold to the point where most people simply don’t realize what a horrific event a war is. Epic poems and Hollywood tell the tales mostly from the winner’s point of view, and it is a rare occasion that we hear the human side of the story. As I watched the documentary, I found myself thinking about wars in general, and I decided that it doesn’t matter if you were a member of the axis or the allies, the Normans or the Saxons, the Viet Cong or the Americans. Lost in the stories of political victories and defeats are the human stories. It doesn’t matter if the combatants were tunnel rats in Vietnam or infantry at the Battle of Hastings: The fact remains that no matter which side you were on, there were women and children waiting helplessly for the inevitable bad news.
“The War” tells a story of World War 2 that focuses on how the cataclysmic struggle of 1938-1945 affected four small American towns. Hometown boys from Main Street went off to the far corners of the world to fight the enemy; many of them never returned, and many that did were maimed and broken, both physically and mentally. In many ways, World War 2 is looked upon with a sort of nostalgic wistfulness, but the naiveté of the soldiers is a timeless factor in the endless endeavor we call war. Spurred by patriotism, our boys (and girls) fight to preserve the way of life we think is right, and there can be no doubt that there are those who would take that way from us and impose their will upon the weak and helpless (or unarmed). “The War” illustrates that point perfectly.
I thought long and hard as I wrote this, and have re-edited it several times. I found myself going off on tangents that have been beaten to death by authors much more experienced than myself. The simple fact is that until there are no longer men who would subjugate peace loving people, war is, in every sense, a necessary evil. Many of the testimonials given in Burns’ documentary expressed frustration and a lack of understanding as to why they were on the other side of the world, fighting and dying for what they perceived as a politician’s war. When the Nazi concentration camps were liberated, however, those in Europe saw first hand the true reason for their presence. Much is made of the Jewish experience, and rightly so, but keep in mind that the Nazis killed almost double the six million Jews; homosexuals, handicapped, gypsies, Russians and other prisoners, all guilty of an accident of birth fell victim to Hitler’s voracious killing machine. In the Pacific theater, the Japanese war machine, although not as blatantly murderous as the Nazis, was equally adept at dividing and conquering, and had both sides been able to achieve their goals, one can only surmise that the end result would have been a war between the two factions for control of the world. They were allies, but only as long as it benefited them. They would surely have turned on each other; they knew no other way, and for a reason that baffles me, they could not see that.
As I said, the show moved me, even though the events were so long ago that within another decade or so, there will not be one veteran of that conflict left alive. Modern events, though, assure us that there will always be more inductees into the veteran’s organizations, and it makes me literally weep for our kind. We do great things, but we also do horrible things to each other. Our propensity for good needs to overcome our desire for power, and until it does, we will need a crop of young men to feed our absurd bloodlust. The key to stopping wars between men is really very simple: Every people of the earth must not allow themselves to be led by the ignorant, nor be duped into believing that wrong is right. The “golden rule” must apply to everyone, or it means nothing. The veterans of every war know that, and we should be thankful to them for being forced to learn the lesson that so many of us know by heart but do not fully understand. We need to hear their stories so that the day will come when all we have left of war IS old stories.
02 October 2007
Good News!
Hello, readers. I'm sorry I've been out of touch for so long. Much has been happening, and I'm happy to say that I finally have a decent job. I've moved, and as hoity-toity as it sounds, I'm editing technical journals, and am having a great time doing it. I still don't have internet as often as I'd like (stupid wireless glitches), but I'm working on it. For what it's worth, I have written an essay about war, and I hope to post it within a day or so, after I've edited it. Thanks for waiting, and I promise I'll be posting more regularly very soon. By the way, Robin, my email has not changed. Toodles for now!
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