TV Wasteland, Vol. II

I wrote an essay earlier this year with the same title, hence the “Vol. II” designation. Through a series of rather depressing events, I don’t even own a television now, but I do have access to one. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I still think watching television is a form of vampirism, lulling me into oblivion while it sucks my time away. Nothing at all like the internet, you know...

The Good: I find myself really enjoying the Food Network channel. There are so many interesting things there, although I must admit that I haven’t tried many of the recipes I’ve seen. OK, I haven’t tried any of them. But I mean to. I particularly enjoy “Good Eats” with Alton Brown. He makes everything look so simple, and when I finally get my hands on a DVR, I will be sure to record some of his shows to see if I can duplicate his results. But far and away, I think the best show on the Food Network is “Unwrapped” with Marc Summers. From pretzels to marshmallows, from hot dogs to butterscotch, watching how the foods so many of us love being prepared is, to me, endlessly entertaining. Having worked in a food processing plant for much of my adult life, much of the packing machinery is familiar, but I still find myself transfixed by the process of making cheese popcorn.

The Bad: As much as I like the Food Network, I cannot extend the same praise to an episode of “Weekend Getaway” hosted by Giada DeLaurentiis that I saw this evening. Now, I have nothing against Giada, and I do not mean to imply in any way that she is an inept hostess; in fact I have learned that she is an accomplished chef and caterer in her own right. The episode I watched tonight was filmed in New York City, and it was the food and prices that I found distasteful (ha!) and not her. The featured appetizer was known as “Taylor Bay Scallop Ceviche”, and whether or not it was intentional, the camera showed the menu as she ordered, and the price was $25. I live in Florida, and I know that scallops are not the cheapest seafood you can buy, but I was really taken aback when her order arrived consisting of four tiny bay scallops. Four. Call me a cretin, but four scallops for $25 is ridiculous. I know, I know, New York. I once went to a bar in NYC (The Oak Bar in the Plaza for you critics) with two companions. Two of us had a beer and the other had a bloody mary. The bill was $32. For $32 I could buy a case of beer, a half pound of shrimp, a fifth of vodka and a gallon of bloody mary mix and still have enough for a Hershey bar. On this trip Giada also had a pizza from Grimaldi’s, and we didn’t get to see the price tag, but I’m willing to bet it was more than $8. I guess my point is that I didn’t enjoy watching somebody spend outrageous amounts of money for tiny portions of food. If that makes me a cretin, so be it. Anybody who wants to foot my bill so I can try this wonderful cuisine and maybe change my mind is more than welcome to try.

The Ugly: Aside from Rosie O’Donnell, Nancy Grace has to be the most obnoxious person on television. I had heard of her, but never seen her until tonight, and I think I’ll spend the rest of my life wishing I hadn’t. In this evening’s episode, she was covering a “You Tube” video that showed a child no more than two or three allegedly under the influence of the drug ecstasy (MDMA). Don’t get me wrong, I think that if the video was authentic, and the child was drugged, the persons responsible for this type of behavior should be sterilized and forever banned from any contact with children, ever. The thing that bugged me, though, was Nancy’s shrill, repetitive squawking about how horrible it was. I think we got that in the first ten minutes of her raving while the video played on a loop, over and over and over. She had some panelists on as well, and one of them was a lawyer who said, or tried to say, that yes it was awful, but that, from a legal standpoint, it would be very difficult to press charges against any of the vehicle’s occupants because the child, although obviously under some sort of duress, was not being physically mistreated. Nobody was burning her with cigarettes or gouging her eyes. That the child had been given ecstasy was implied, but as far as the tape went, nobody knew for sure that that was what had happened. The trouble was, every time this guy tried to make his point, Nancy cut him off as though he were advocating the drugging and filming of children. His exasperation showed when he was repeatedly interrupted, but he never got the chance to finish answering the question Nancy herself had asked. It was as if she wanted to ask the question, but didn’t want to hear the answer unless it was a hand-wringing admonition of the vehicle’s occupants at least, or better yet, a call for a public execution. Maybe it’s just me, but if you are going to have a television show with a panel of guests to offer insight and opinion, wouldn’t it be prudent to listen to all of the opinions of all the panelists and then let the viewers decide? The one panelist who didn’t toe the opinion line seemed to be there solely as a whipping boy to give the illusion that if you don’t agree totally with Nancy, you do not deserve to be heard. It was a disgusting example of what passes for “unbiased” reporting on television.

And as an ironic note, a quickie research of both O’Donnell and Grace showed reports that both of them are vying for new shows: Grace to replace Rosie on “The View”, and Rosie to replace Bob Barker on “The Price is Right.” I’d rather watch Jerry Springer than either of these two harpies. I don’t think I need to repeat here that most television is indeed, a vast wasteland.

I’ve got more TV wasteland fodder, but I’m done for now. For those who are interested, the second part of “Me and Jack Webb” is almost finished. Watch for it on my "serious" blog (link to the right) soon!