TV Wasteland Vol. 1

I've tried to start this essay several times, but I kept getting hung up on the first line. Now that I don't have that to worry about any longer, I can go right to it. I try not to watch too much television. For starters, it's way too expensive, and, in my opinion, there's just not that much quality programming. There are, however, a few shows that I will watch, and maybe one day I'll let that slip here. But this installment (the first in what I hope will be a series) has to do with commercials. There are good ones and bad ones, and in deference to those in advertising, they caught my attention, so they're doing their job. Some make me laugh, and some make me angry, but almost none of them make me want to buy the product. As I watch them, I always wonder how much thought went into them, and I imagine a boardroom where the advertisement has been screened, and then given the green light to air. I wish I could be there at some screenings to either laud them for their insight and creativity, or excoriate them for pandering to fear or worse, portraying inappropriate behavior as normal.

I have a friend who thinks I read way too much into commercials, but I think he's not taking into account how much time and money goes into advertising. Billions of dollars go into advertising, and comprehensive research is conducted to precisely identify the myriad audiences of consumers. It's perhaps the biggest overhead any company has, and, as far as I know, entities that spend billions of dollars expect results. Some, I think, are right on the mark as far as having a finger on the pulse of the purchasing public. Others, however, would do better if they would just send me a few million dollars, and for that money, I would make sure that their plea to buy would be heard by an adoring audience. How would I do that? I'd make sure that whoever was making my ads knew and understood their audience.

The Good: Verizon Wireless
In this advert (for my UK readers), an everyday husband and wife are seated in a rather 50s-ish kitchen when their teenage daughter strolls through. The father asks her if she's going to meet a friend later, and the daughter, completely straight faced, says, "I don't know...let me call her", and proceeds to pantomime a phone with her thumb and pinky. She begins "talking", in a completely unsarcastic manner that positively screams sarcasm. The camera cuts to the father, who is staring at her as if she's unbalanced. We can plainly see that she wants a cell phone. We quickly change scenes, to a different room, with the daughter still talking on her imaginary phone in the background; the father's face is in the foreground so we can see his consternation. The daughter, carrying on her "conversation", says, "Hold on...there's someone on my other line", and she then pops her forefinger out and says, "Hello?" The expression on the father's face is priceless.

The entire mood of this commercial is relaxed, in that it doesn't overtly beg the consumer to buy for a full 30 seconds. (There are lapses within the commercial that do that, but I'm just concentrating on the acting part of it.) There is not a parent in this country who would not immediately identify with the interaction between the parents and the child. It is clever and (as much as I hate the word), cute. The daughter is clearly sending a message that she knows her father can't ignore, but she is not rude or disrespectful. The father is a stereotypical, eyes-rolling parent of a teenage daughter who more than likely will give in. This commercial has that rare ability to be very funny without seeming like it's trying to be. If only some of the tripe that passes for comedy between the commercials would pick up on that, maybe television would be a better place.

The Bad: KFC
In this one, a teenage boy of about 13 is on the phone to his mother from a friend's house. He tells her where he is, and wants to know if he can stay for dinner, anxiously adding that the friend's parents are home (the friend's mom is in the background, placing a bucket of chicken on the counter). We don't hear what the boy's mother says, but he is obviously more than a little disappointed as he huffs just a bit and rolls his eyes. He then turns to the friend's mom and fairly whines, "She doesn't believe me". Friend's mom takes the phone, and inquires, "Carol?", so we know they know each other on a first name basis. Friend's mom reiterates the boy's story, saying that they are all there, and it's OK if the boy stays. As she does this, though, she is putting her arm around the boy and, presumably steering him toward the dining area, looks at him as if to say, "What the hell is wrong with your paranoid mother? Sheesh!" The boy smirks back at her with a look of agreement.

I had to think for a little while before I could put my finger on what was wrong with this commercial, and it finally dawned on me that chicken was the last thing on my mind after seeing it. I was much more drawn to the fact that the friend's mom was polite on the phone while making faces and pretty much mocking the other mom in full view of the son, who, by expression, agreed. I couldn't help but picture the unseen mother as the crazy lady in the neighborhood. It's as if the friend's mom was doing the poor boy a favor by keeping him away from his own home; life is much better at theirs. Oh, and they have KFC too. Friend mom is far too busy secretly mocking those who trust her to cook something herself. This one left a bad taste in my mouth.

The Ugly: Quizno's
This one is a re-hash of an earlier campaign to showcase the difference in the amount of meat between a Quizno's sub and a Subway one. The guy who says, "Prime rib...it's the uber meat" just set the dork acceptance movement back 30 years. I had a real beef with this one.

For as prevalent as commercials are, I can't find links to specific ones on the internet, or I would most certainly provide them. If anyone can find them, please let me know and I will post them. I would be remiss if I didn't say how much I like the Geico caveman ad campaign; it wouldn't surprise me if it spins into a series. And if you think I read too much into commercials, run a Google search on "geico caveman racist". Lotsa fun stuff there.