Retirement Horror

I love horror movies. All kinds of 'em. Cheesy (Hammer films), really scary (Exorcist, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Silence of the Lambs); I'll even watch the most insipid films, out of sheer morbid curiosity (Monsturd, about a killer...uh...turd...really). But just tonight, I watched what was possibly the most frightening thing I've ever seen captured on film. On the PBS show "Frontline", I watched an expose on the state of the 401(k) retirement plans in the United States, and I was truly shocked and frightened by what I saw.

The link to the show is provided, so I won't run it down for you. I will, however, say that if you have to work for a living, you had better make sure that your retirement plan is going to pay off for you when you need it. The bottom line of the show is that most people who are in a 401(k) plan (80%) don't realize that it is not going to be sufficient until it is too late, and then the weeping and gnashing of teeth will begin. You'll be grinding your teeth to try and chew your tears, because that's about all you'll have to eat after just a couple years of retirement. Of course, you can always get a side job, but do you really want to spend your golden years working at the golden arches?

80% is a lot. And that number only includes those who opt to get into a plan. According to the show, upwards of 40% of the working public do not even enroll in their company's plan. It's easy, I think, to dismiss these poor schmucks as foolish, and boy won't they be sorry when it's too late. It's at that point though, when they realize their folly, that the horror lies. Allow me to offer an analogy that may seem simplistic and ridiculous, but if you think about it, the parallels are unmistakable.

In 1846, 87 presumably decent people, led by George Donner, left Missouri, bound for what they thought were the riches of California. They took what they thought they would need for their journey. Unforeseen pitfalls, however, left them stranded in the Sierra Nevada mountains, where they had to resort to cannibalism to survive. Of the original 87, only 46 endured the ordeal.

You might ask what this has to do with properly managing your retirement fund. Only this: If you do not plan for your financial journey, you run a huge risk of not surviving, or worse. I use the Donner Party story to illustrate what people are capable of. Make no mistake: The have-nots will not sit idly by and rue their foolishness for not being prepared. They will take what they need by any means necessary. Does this mean that the smart investors need to stockpile weapons as well as money? You tell me. Now, I don't necessarily think that a class war is coming, but I wouldn't completely count it out. Come to think of it, "Night of the Living Dead" would have been a good analogy too.

So, whether you like the Donner Party story or NOTLD, or even Aesop's "Ant and the Grasshopper", if you don't plan for your retirement NOW, you can either brush up on sayings like, "You want fries with that?", or you can practice stealth techniques like dumpster raiding and dodging bullets. I thought this story was terrifying and I really needed to rant about it. Thanks for listening!